Commonly Asked Questions About Grief and Loss…
What is grief?
Grief is a natural, normal reaction to loss. It's an ongoing, evolving process that occurs over time.
It’s been 6 months and I don’t feel any better. How long does grieving last?
Everyone grieves differently. There is no timeframe for how long one "should" grieve or how long it takes to feel better. It takes as long as it takes for each individual person.
Some days I am feeling better, then wham, I feel bad again out of nowhere and find myself crying and hurting again. Why is that?
You are probably experiencing what is known as a grief "spasm." These are intense, sudden spurts of emotion that can last just a few minutes or maybe a day, and are very common during the grieving process.
I’m not a group person. Are there other options for helping me grieve?
While our support groups are not for everyone, they can be surprisingly healing and comforting for those who’ve suffered a loss but are not generally group people.
In addition, the Bertolon Center for Grief & Healing offers a free lending library, suggested reading lists, one-time personal consultations to review your situation and your options, individual counseling, as well as information on a range of issues and referrals to community resources to meet your specific needs.
How can I help someone who is grieving?
Sometimes it is just enough to be with them - you don't necessarily have to say or do anything. Encourage them to express their thoughts and feelings. Ask, "do you feel like talking?" or "I don't know what to say right now, but I care." Help them recall the good times and don't avoid talking about the person they lost.
Other ways to help:
- Help them clean out their loved one's things when they are ready.
- Assist them with shopping, cooking, writing thank you notes, even walking a pet.
- Prepare for difficult dates and times such as anniversaries, birthdays, holidays and meals.
- Most importantly, be patient and understand that grief takes time.
- Avoid saying things like "You should be getting on with your life."
My loss might not be as bad as others, but I still feel awful. Is this okay?
It's important not to compare yourself to anyone else. Loss and the feelings it creates are very personal and unique to each person experiencing it. Even people who have lost the same person feel things differently because they are each different and their relationship to the deceased was different. You feel whatever you feel, and this is okay.
I haven’t been involved in hospice care. Can I still receive grief support?
Yes. the Bertolon Center for Grief & Healing services are open to anyone who has experienced a loss, regardless of their hospice involvement.
Our school had some tragedies happen this year. What can we do to help everyone who is grieving?
The Bertolon Center for Grief & Healing has dedicated children's grief experts on staff who specialize in helping adults who work with children as well as children themselves express and cope with their feelings of loss and grief. They are available to work directly with schools on a broad array of programs that can include ongoing support groups, art therapy, workshops and training for teachers and other personnel, and programs for parents.
How can our company help its employees maintain productivity while still coping with their grief?
Companies can start by considering various workshops and training programs that teach managers how to support bereaved employees with a focus on maintaining on-the-job performance.
The Bertolon Center for Grief & Healing provides on-site education and works with companies at a central location to give managers valuable expertise in dealing with these all-too-frequent situations. Our Grief At Work program addresses these issues and helps organizations large and small identify practical support for grieving staff members. To request a free toolkit for broaching grief at work, contact us today at 978-774-5100.
Visit our Resources section to learn about what other resources might assist you.